When you try your best but you don’t succeed… When you get what you want but not what you need… When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep… Ok as much as I love this song, I am not going to narrate the entire lyrics of Fix You by Coldplay here.
Instead I’ll tell you how to fix yourself if you encounter the depths of despair when things don’t go according to your plans. All of us face those times when we hit pretty low lows, when none of our plans seem to work and all our hopes and dreams crush and crumble.
It is times like these, when no end is in sights, which call for these six steps to help you emerge out of the chasm of dismay like a boss.
1. Forgive yourself
Failure can leave a scathing scar on your self-confidence and self-esteem if you let it. Don’t let it define you or get the better of you. Many people find forgiving others comparatively easier than to forgive themselves. None of us is perfect and all of us make mistakes so you must not be too harsh on yourself.
Make utilization of this as an opportunity to analyze where did you go wrong and what could you have done differently. Learn from your mistakes, introspect and make improvements in yourself. Make your failure a stepping stone which will eventually lead you to success.
2. Appreciate the balance in life
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way …” – Charles Dickens, A tale of two Cities.
What makes this passage brilliant is the usage of opposite pairs. Life is similar; after the great high comes great low. There has to be a balance between the proportion of happiness and sadness, success and failure in your life. It is impossible to feel elated and high-spirited all the time.
If success comes easy to you, then it won’t bring with itself the experience of relentless toil which you have to put in order to offset the failures along the way. Therefore, when you do encounter problems in your life, it is perfectly alright to feel sad, dejected, and gloomy; whatever you feel at that time. It is a part of life. Once you come out of this phase, start afresh with rejuvenated spirit and rigor towards achieving your goal.
3. Adopt a Positive Attitude
The optimistic people try to find the silver lining in any adversity. They maintain their poise in the most difficult situations and have the courage to face the challenges encountered by them. Pessimists may quit at the first signs of failure. However, an optimist will have the capability to see the good in even the most gravest of situations and stay steady on the road to success.
A positive attitude will give you the requisite strength and courage to try again if you fail the first time. Thus adopting a positive attitude will help you deal with your problems more efficiently and effectively. However in order to succeed, you must be realistically optimistic. Set attainable goals and divide your work into small achievable tasks. With proper planning and right attitude, you will surely be successful.
4. Appreciate your progress
People assign too much importance to the final destination and fail to recognize the importance of the journey. When they fail to achieve their goal and fall into the depths of despair and dismay, it is tough for them to notice how much they have already accomplished along the path leading to their goal.
You must be appreciative of the small victories you have had along the way, the skills you gained, the knowledge you earned and the memories you made. Also, when you will analyze the entire process, you will become wary of your strengths and shortcomings. This knowledge will be useful to achieve success in further trials.
5. Seek help from your support system
Your support system consists of your close friends and family. These are the people who love you and care for you and improve the overall quality of your life. They know you well and are aware of your positive and negative traits. Discuss your problems with them and seek their suggestions and guidance from time to time.
Spending time with these people will have a positive effect on your mental set and attitude. The support which you gain from them will make you emotionally and psychologically stronger. When it is difficult for you to find the motivation to keep trying to achieve that evasive win, these people can extrinsically motivate you and keep you firm and steady on your path.
6. Improve and grow yourself
You must understand that failure is a great opportunity in itself. It necessitates you to introspect and thoroughly analyze your approach. Although many times it may be so that the cause of failure is not under your control. Still, it is useful to be informed of these conditions, so that you are more aware of such potential issues and problems which may hinder your progress next time around.
Also, an in-depth examination of the overall experience will reveal to you some shortcomings of yours. Work hard to improve yourself and bring about favorable changes in your attitude and character, understand what is it that you need to do differently in the next trial, so as to avoid a similar outcome.
Reap these benefits of failure and not only will you emerge victorious in the next trial, but will also grow and develop into an improved version of yourself.